Ok...about this end smoking thing...

I mean, I have to be freaking out right?  I started the couch to 5k on my iPod Touch.  I feel my energy coming back and I feel good.  I don't want a smoke.  What I do want is to calm down.  I think, not certain, but I think I have feelings of paranoia and some sort of guilt attacks.  Of course my body is trying to attack me any way possible to get back to the smoking thing, but mentally...I'm fine with not smoking.  Again, I feel good...except for my leg won't let me sleep tonight.  The gum is helping out and I'm even cutting back on the amount of gum I chew.  So, I will start after a month of not smoking...to cut my gum back to like...ummmm...an arbitrary number of 5 pieces max a day....hopefully go a month with that...then drift back even further to 1 or 2 pieces...

I plan to have smoking and nicotine kicked by the end of this summer...and I plan to be able to jog long distances.  I'm also toying with lifting weights again...I have to give that more time, I want to see me complete a few months of jogging, crunches, push ups, and I'll try to find something to do pull up's on around the dog park.

Wouldn't it be the coolest thing ever to be 50 years old and in great shape?  Maybe even the best shape of my whole life?  I want that...

I suspect quiting smoking is taking a toll.

I'm a little grumpy in a real fast way.  I need to reel myself back a few notches.  Times are a changin'

Video curse..

a person posted video of me and a bunch of friends chilling out by the pool at about 1am, out of context the video has a lot of damning material in it.  In context...we were all having fun.  What a stupid self centered thing to do.  Grrrrr!

Why the 180?

I have a problem hanging around grown ups.  They bore me.  So I'm great at hanging with the kids and playing games.  So...my future will include me being the babysitter during nights where we have dinner with other families.  An example of this is last night, I couldn't take another second of the adult bullshit...so I grabbed the boys (3 of them) and created a game out on the side walk.  A form of follow the leader...it must have been a hit...because we enjoyed the night...and so did the adults and none of the kids wanted dessert...they just wanted to get back out and continue the game.

I like being alone with the wife.  This has proven to be a huge problem with us and the kids.  The kids like her as much as I do.  Go figure...I'd give birth to my two worst critics, both want to be around her all the time, and both...deserve a great mom...which inadvertently provided.

Such is human nature, the build up of ones self only to procreate a dissolving effect of itself.

Feeling better....

3 nicorettes, no cigarettes, and I feel balanced.  Working on the kids rockets tonight.  :)