I mean, I have to be freaking out right? I started the couch to 5k on my iPod Touch. I feel my energy coming back and I feel good. I don't want a smoke. What I do want is to calm down. I think, not certain, but I think I have feelings of paranoia and some sort of guilt attacks. Of course my body is trying to attack me any way possible to get back to the smoking thing, but mentally...I'm fine with not smoking. Again, I feel good...except for my leg won't let me sleep tonight. The gum is helping out and I'm even cutting back on the amount of gum I chew. So, I will start after a month of not smoking...to cut my gum back to like...ummmm...an arbitrary number of 5 pieces max a day....hopefully go a month with that...then drift back even further to 1 or 2 pieces...
I plan to have smoking and nicotine kicked by the end of this summer...and I plan to be able to jog long distances. I'm also toying with lifting weights again...I have to give that more time, I want to see me complete a few months of jogging, crunches, push ups, and I'll try to find something to do pull up's on around the dog park.
Wouldn't it be the coolest thing ever to be 50 years old and in great shape? Maybe even the best shape of my whole life? I want that...
I guess I should add at this point the reason I started to smoke again, became fat(ter) and lazy. About 4 years ago I was in a car accident that seems to have caused lasting damage to the nerves in my right leg. This pain and numbness has lingered long enough and now I'm ready to do something about this. I must take the slow steps to getting my core strength back...which is the couch to 5k program (hopefully). Today I walked around the cemetery 2 times. The dog was pooped, but I did ok. I plan to do this every morning for the rest of Bella's life...then the next dog will take up the slack. I think I can out live about 4 more dogs before it's time for me to check out.
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