Angry Smiles...

Well the treatment is underway...and it sucks.  I look forward to 21 weeks from now when I can get out of this....shit.  No sleep, constant feeling of nausea, massive "hit and run" headaches, bones..muscle aches...and my balls...they hurt too.

I don't really understand what is meant by "It's worth it" and "It'll be better"...sure I will be free of the virus...but then what?  I don't know if I was in pain all the time, sure there was pain...but wasn't it natural or normal pain of a 48 year old man?  I just don't know what to expect on the other side?

I felt good the last two days.  A fluke?  I mean...I was in good spirits...in bad physical shape.  I am trying to embrace the insanity that "smiling and stupid" is better than "angry and sharp"...I've always been "sharp" and focused...so letting go and being stupid and dumb...may be the only way out of this whole thing.

Anyway...  I'm in hunt of balance with calming myself down around my family...who are more important than anyone else...really.  Work, I'm starting to get short with people...really short with vendor types.