Started the treatment Sept 24, so my final blood tests will be 1 year from that date. Over the years of the "decline" into my HEP-C realization and treatment...I could feel my creativity melting away, my art...my energy to produce the parts that are clearly human. I thought this is what old age is, this is the process of death...to feel your parts disappear and being aware of them dissolving as the remaining years slip away. But, I'm happy to report, my energy is returning. I feel waves of repair and my ability to tackle complex problems returning. Which is sort of important for a programmer type. My energy takes on different shapes from building out parts of the house to sketching a little face on a piece of paper, it's coming back.
I met a wonderful person at the dog park, her husband and her are facing problems that make my short exposure to the frailty of the human experience seem...meaningless. I wish I could do something or anything. My only gift is cold logic...which could be hurtful if taken the wrong way, but is entirely meant in an understanding, no frills, acceptance of the suffering of another person. I don't feel pity for them, I am amazed at their resolve to push through the obvious setbacks...and reach higher. Both of them are beautiful people, the world could use a few more of them.
I wonder about life, joy, and pain. My understanding is based on something as simple as a tadpole turning into a frog. I wonder if growing legs, losing a tail...switching to lungs from gills is as painful as a human baby cutting teeth? It has to be a little more than discomfort to transition so dramatically. Ear, head, stomach aches... and all this...followed by periods of comfort. A frog sitting over his domain on his edge of the pond must feel pretty good... the Moon light glistening on his head...as he awaits his next meal to come wondering along. A caterpillar turning into a moth...is there intense pain followed by the pure joy of flight? If so, which I suspect there is pain...life is merely suffering interrupted by short moments of joy. The longer the suffering...the greater the joy by relation.
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