Done with Pegasus...now the healing.

Facts and Lessons from a HEP-C Genotype 3: 

1. People will say they understand.
2. There is nothing nice about this treatment.
3. People will kick you while you are down.
4. Coconut oil is an awesome body rub.
5. Your pets will attempt to dominate you.
6. To save your skin, start your treatment in late December.
7. Sinus washes stop headaches and dry nostrils.
8. The morning of the next shot is the best and worst day of your week.
9. Food exposes itself to you.  If it's bad, you'll know it.  Remember the bad food.
10. Water:  Fiji, Avian, or SmartWater.  Everything else has chlorine in it.
11. Water filter:  Filter your water at the shower head.  Chlorine kills the dying.
12. Expect to cry when watching mushy movies.
13. Friends are defined.  Enemies are exposed.  Watch the signs.
14. The treatment stops, but the effects continue (almost 2 weeks at this point).
15. Don't start complex projects.  Just keep to dishes, dusting, and washing clothes.
16. Face facts and solve them...don't run from problems.
17. Shut up when your wife tells you to shut up.
18. Shut up when your husband tells you to shut up.
19. Avoid your kids, except when you are feeling good.
20. Your doctor will say everything including wrecking your car is a side effect of the drugs.
21. Avoid making new friends or losing old friends.  Put your life on hold.
22. Expect a "noia" or two. 
23. Ambein is the king.  
24. Catch up on TV series, but Walking Dead might not be a great idea.
25. Don't trust your feelings of jealousy or distrust.  It's the drugs.
26. Google it if you don't know it.  Be sure to get 3 references if your life depends on it.
27. Never fully trust a fart.  Best sit on the toilet before you experiment.
28. Always know where every toilet in your immediate surroundings are.
29. Hold off on Salmon until you are desperate for nutrition...then feel the rush of protein.
30. There is Chlorine in Chicken with "brine" or "salt" water added.
31. Organic carrots and bananas taste better than the options.
32. Organic food dies much quicker.
33. Pho' Noodles clear your lungs out and help you breath better.
34. Blood is fascinating, testing once a month, you need something to amuse you.
35. Dark rooms and crevasses seem inviting.
36. Never watch shark week then go swimming in the Ocean...lakes ok, Oceans not ok.
37. Plan your energy levels.  Err to being a wimp.  
38. People will not understand you.
39. You will hurt yourself with a needle every week for the duration of the treatment.  
40. You will eat pills until you are sick of the pills.
41. Limping across the finish line is noble; albeit, ugly...but noble none the less.
42. Don't watch your kids play sports.
43. Another thing I think is critical to the success of the treatment was my Doctor was a woman, she had huge breast.  You may think I say this in a sexual way...but I am not.  I'm serious, a woman's breast has something to do with safety and trust.  Maybe as a kid you associate Mommy to her boobs in your face while she cradled you around...even breast fed you.  But as you get older, the boobs have a comfort factor...which is undeniable when you are fighting for your life.  Dr's with Boobs...who show cleavage, but not in the sexual sense.
44. 
    

Last mile....

So I am in the last month of the treatment, 2 or 3 months ago I started producing "No detectable signs of HEP-C" on my monthly blood tests. What this means is in 6 months after this last treatment I test one more time to determine if this treatment worked.

The energy I had at the beginning of the treatment is gone...I feel like an empty shell or a boxer in the 12th round with this blurry view of why I'm even here. An example is a lady at the grocery store talking me out of buying some baby carrots...an hour later all I wanted was baby carrots and I was too ashamed to say or admit it. This treatment has not been a good experience for me, but at the same time...it's been the best experience for my outlook on life.

Some people are born again...finding god as a new inspiration in life. I'm too pragmatic for that ideology, but I did find myself in this chemical fog. The person I was before had some rough edges that are smoothed down and matured from this experience. It's very humbling to accept support and friendship from family, coworkers, and friends.

Finally...I think I found a way...

So all the previous whining has been about suffering the effects of the treatment...being like a rat in a cage of piginterferon and ribaviron. The sudden crashes, the feeling sick...and the return to bed to survive the ravages. The circle was tightening around me, I canceled all my Monday and Tuesdays at work...but now, I think I've found a way.

The problem was the up and down...followed by the clouds of logical decision making while feeling internally exponentially tired and sick. It was then I started to discover that the up's and down's were based on energy depletion and lack of readily available reserves. Having a well rounded meal solved the problem temporarily and also started a feeling of nausea. So... here is the solution I've found.

Eat all day, small portions of good healthy food. Stay way from fat, grease, and snot that will clog you up. Stay light weight, protein rich, and limit the intake. Feeling full felt disgustingly like a grandparent farting on you. So the key is to be able to stop eating as it is to keep eating. Ice cold grapes, carrots, and other crunchy stuff...not only hits the spot..but keeps you from crashing, from going into your reserves, from going back to bed.

I struggled to get the energy right to drive to work. Once at work, I struggled to focus and keep my energy levels from crashing. Having lunch with the group forced me to eat large and centered around one meal. Then having to drive back home. Now I am balanced...headed to work with good energy and enough energy to return home.

I still can't sleep and I haven't figured that one out. But one thing I did notice recently is this... Eating small and often means you have to continue throughout the night. So keep a few carrots ready, a couple grapes, and a bottle of water. I keep it all in the kitchen so I don't disturb the wife too much.

We'll see how this goes over the long run. But I feel much more confident about the next 3 months of treatment. By the way, my tests came back on Thanksgiving and I'm at zero viral load...which means the treatment is working for me... sticking to the treatment has been the toughest part of this good news.

I also refuse to take Xanax or other drugs...for sleep or mood. I believe for one to truly enjoy life...you must embrace the rain as you would the sun.

It's been 5+ years since I've lost my teen aged crush on Angelina Jolie... Now I have a new girl...

Riba Urine....

I don't blame the world for the HEP C virus, I don't think I could argue that HEP C doesn't have a rightful place on this planet. She's a bitch and she keeps herself clean by washing the herd clean of the weak and sick. Again, I lean heavily upon father medicine to protect me from my mother earth...and her hordes of infectious and often deadly population controls. Given the chance...I too would cut the wheat fields.

Three things that can help you get through the "Treatment" if you end up with my shoes. #1: Vietnamese Pho Noodles. #2: Enjoyment of the last few hours before the next Pegasus injection. #3: A dog that loves to lay next to you during the worst hours of the week. (Sunday and Monday)

Now to explain the title. Urine is a very important marker (pardon the pun) to keep tabs on your progress, fluid levels, and general functionality. At first, the Urine was dark, heavy and "thick?"... Ton's of water help, it flows through you back to the Oceans...and hopefully back into the Glaciers (I digress). The many trips to the toilet in the middle of the night is a good thing, it breaks up the sleepless nights and it allows you to know your GI track is pounding out a steady beat...even at night. I noticed my kids urine flow was lacking, so I filled them with water and refocused on their needs....now they pee like masters... Urine...it does a body good.

My kids and wife have risen to the challenge of me getting healthy again...I applaud them and their efforts. Moving the cord of firewood, enduring the freezing nights without heat (broken HVAC), the smelly water from the water heater, and finally...me. Kudo's to you all and I will not forget your support. Dad will be back...and we will put all this behind us.

This stuff as I know it.

The situation is that I self administer a shot on Friday night.  This causes me to ruin my whole weekend for my family and I.  The 3 pills twice a day interact with the shot…as the week proceeds the effect on me is less traumatic.   Mondays and Tuesdays…I don't believe I should be in the office.  Driving into the office is dangerous (I almost wrecked twice today) and I'm exhausted by the time I get here, getting home is not something I want to face either…right now I feel sort of trapped.  By Wednesday…to Friday I'm more like myself and am prepared to deal with the work.

There are two components I see at work during the "hard times" with the drugs.  First…emotionally interacting with people is extremely difficult.  Second…finishing a thought is tough…completing a simple task seems to make me want to puke…or feel nauseous.  

The wife is suggesting that I move the shot from Friday night to Sunday night, making Monday ~ Wednesdays…the worst days.  Giving me the time I need to pull myself back together for work and leaving me the best time to spend with my family on the weekends.

So…there you have it.  I'm probably going to take off all my Mondays and Tuesdays…until I finish the treatment.  I'm told that soon as the treatment ends, there are no adverse side effects.   

Today has been very tough for me to get into the office.  I am moving equipment home with me today to setup for telecommuting. 

Angry Smiles...

Well the treatment is underway...and it sucks.  I look forward to 21 weeks from now when I can get out of this....shit.  No sleep, constant feeling of nausea, massive "hit and run" headaches, bones..muscle aches...and my balls...they hurt too.

I don't really understand what is meant by "It's worth it" and "It'll be better"...sure I will be free of the virus...but then what?  I don't know if I was in pain all the time, sure there was pain...but wasn't it natural or normal pain of a 48 year old man?  I just don't know what to expect on the other side?

I felt good the last two days.  A fluke?  I mean...I was in good spirits...in bad physical shape.  I am trying to embrace the insanity that "smiling and stupid" is better than "angry and sharp"...I've always been "sharp" and focused...so letting go and being stupid and dumb...may be the only way out of this whole thing.

Anyway...  I'm in hunt of balance with calming myself down around my family...who are more important than anyone else...really.  Work, I'm starting to get short with people...really short with vendor types.

Well...today is Friday.  It's in the evening and it's been quite a week.   So let's just start off slowly...

 I haven't heard much from my Dad...which creates an enormous cloud of doubt and stress.   My sister sent me some info on vitamin K..which sort of stressed me out.  I know it's important to watch my diet, but as with all things in my life....I just ride the "vibes"...when I feel like I need an egg...I break into an egg binge.  So her suggestion to focus on my diet...is new. 

I quit smoking and nicorette at the same time I started the Pegasus/Ribaviron treatment.  I am without a doubt...certain that this wasn't one of my brightest ideas.  But it was a novel idea to actually kick HEP C and cigarettes in one fell swoop.    How nice it is that I never cared much  for beer or booze.  It's never been a "thing" for me. Thanks to Jerry Rice (WR 49'rs) for his belief that booze is extremely bad for the body.  I've always thought that the reason I'm skinny...is because I don't drink.

Wednesday afternoon, a good friend and coworker...betrayed my trust in him as a person...  It's okay, we are all human, I rationalize...  I think it's the betrayal that opened my eyes to people in general.  How is it that I feel the importance to teach my kids how to be good people, when they will be entrenched with a society full of people that lie and cheat just because it's easier than dealing with the reality of their own actions?  The harder path in life....is to stay true to the conviction of being a good person.  The good guy always finishes last.  My motorcycle is in the shop, the guy admitted under a veiled threat, and life will move onward without much conflict.  I'm not spreading his deed around the office...somehow I've developed compassion for the devil.  I'm not perfect...and by far an angel...  But I try...

I'm having a hard time focusing at work.  Thoughts of me spending my last years in a cubical sickens me...  But, This coming week...I will put everything in my personal life aside..and attack my professional requirements. 

Met my "Doctor" today, even though here in these United States she's a PA.  I don't know what to make of our situation, but I believe she's got the goal of my success at heart.  I suspect I sense her "holding back" is the result of years of experience with HVC clients...  I'll trust her.  Today at the office, I was overcome by her being cute.  Her professional stature, her accent, her business as usual approach...works nicely with my institutionalized medical history.  Sort of like the relationship between a Vet and a dog...the dog somehow knows the Vet is trustworthy.  The girl that processes my payments was cracking me up....  She's sweet as well.  The way she talks is fun to listen to, she was raised in Uruguay.  The more I hear Hispanics speak, the more I'm queuing in on their dialects.  Thanks to Maria in my office...I feel an enlightenment of Hispanic culture.

The wife and I need to find balance.  Tonight I suggested that she make an appointment with my Doctor (Laure) so that I don't have to "patch" her sinking understanding of the situation every 5 minutes.  I find that I cannot communicate to her the information she needs to understand...  The wife is taking everything in a personal way...which is stressing me the fuck out!!!  But tonight I took a nice long walk in the park across the street.  The cool part of the "park" is...it's a National Park, it's huge...and it's got streams, rivers, paths...deer, rabbits..fox...stuff that puts me in with nature.  It reminds me of the 12 year old me that found a pond in the middle of a forest in Northern Japan in the late 70's.  I spent 100's of hours of my summers...sitting in the middle of that quiet place...alone.  The flash back to that peaceful place is dramatic.  Probably the drugs.

Okay, I've "whine boarded" you enough.  Alex and Zack are excited about x-country running....they ran the whole 2 miles without stopping...  I'm very proud of them.  This new side of town is like living on the other side of the world compared to the old house.  I'm so happy we moved.